Pablo goes to rehab

I went to rehab today. I'm not addicted to anything, but I just felt like succeeding at something. So I walked in and sat on those crummy plastic chairs they had assembled an introduced myself. Everyone said, "Hi Sebastian!" back, real loud like. It felt kind of odd since my name isn't Sebastian, but I wasn't going to give that bunch of weak-willed degenerates my real name. The counselor, who was wearing a V-neck, and consequently immediately earned my distrust, started talking but I interrupted him cause I wanted to get home to watch Spanish television. I just started waving my hands wildly and saying I, "was gonna kick this shit cold!"

Everyone seemed real impressed at how fervent I was, and I can tell I was exuding confidence, even though I don't even know what "shit" I was referring too. A couple of the addicts even started to cry so I just stood up and yelled, "I'm kicking this shit! And it's because of your support brothers!"

I walked out hurriedly, vowing not to return til I was sure I would never foul my body with that shit again.

A week later I walked back in and they all fell silent and looked at me as I grabbed an empty chair and sat down. I smiled broadly..."kicked it everyone. No fucking problem."

They started to applaud and it made me feel awesome, and the counselor started to talk again but I put my hand up as if to say, "shut your fucking mouth asshole."

And I stood and looked down at my chair and said, "Now that I've kicked the shit that was doggin me, we should all do something about these chairs. These chairs are pretty crappy. We should get better chairs in here, even though I'm not coming back cause I've kicked my the shit that was holding me down. You addicts should have better chairs though."

They all looked at me and then one of the low-lifes said, "Yeah."

I walked over to him and pulled out a coupon from IKEA I had, thrusting it into his hand. "You be in charge...this gets you 10% off."

He stared at it as I walked away and then I stopped and said, "It expired 2 months ago, but if you start ballin' I'm sure they'll give it to you." I made for the door, "Hey, anyone know where the nearest Taco Bell is?"

The counselor started to give me directions but I gave him the finger and left.