I was raped in prison. It pained me so much...to be engaged in something that was so cliche.
I pleaded with him to at least do something original with me, like maybe we could be the first two cellmates to form a barbershop duet, or cure cancer.
He grunted something about, "How the fuck are we gonna cure cancer inside this prison cell?" as he tugged at my trousers.
I replied with exaggerated enthusiasm, "That's what'll make it so spectacular! People will be just as excited about who cured it, and where they did it, as they will about the cure itself. They'll be so amazed! Imagine two cons curing cancer with only a shiv, toilet water, and some soiled nudie mags."
That's when he violated me. I shook my head in disgust. "Let me guess, now you're going to call me "bitch" and other such unoriginal crap. This is so fucking lame."
"Christ you're a whiny motherfucker." He spat, disgusted, and I felt his dick go limp and slip out.
"Oh so now I'm not tight enough for you I suppose."
He sat on his bunk and whittled with his shiv. "You think I want to fuck a whiny bitch like you?"
"Oh so I AM a bitch?"
"Fuck yeah. Most guys just take it, or cry a lot. Tears I mean, none of this "how cliche" crap. You want me to be original? How the fuck can I stay hard when you say things like that to me."
"Did I hurt your feelings fuckface? Gee that's too bad, cause I guess I should've repaid your raping me with kindness."
"That's what Jesus would do. Turn the other cheek and all that shit."
"Are you making a pun?"
"Huh?"
"Cheek and shit, and what with my pants down and ass bare and all...sounds like a pun in there somewhere."
"Man could you just shut up for awhile. You're like the worst cellmate ever."
"Well how bout you cover that flaccid dick of yours. I don't really feel like staring at it all night. If you do that for me then maybe I'll vote you cellmate of the year. Tool."
"Shit. You should be happy to have me as a cellie. Not like I got AIDS or anything."
Since I had my pants down already I decided to take a shit and so I sat on the bowl right there in the open. I sighed as I waited for my bowels to move. Maybe I was being too hard on him, what with him being AIDS free and all, though I wasn't even sure that was true. Was he lying about not having AIDS just to get on my good side? He was jailed for wire fraud, and I don't think that makes him all that trustworthy.
